Before I met my wives…

For many years I was lost and had a hard time to cope in different meetings and gatherings, such as parties and other forms that takes a lot of people. I was – and still consider myself – the “silent and quite” type of personality. I didn’t fit in anywhere, so I watched in the background. My silent nature and as a “watcher”, I became very vulnerable to the outside world and my heart was easily broken whenever love appear. I never ended those brief moments of “relationships”, the women broke up with me. All the violence, that appear in the news, made me questioning the goodness in humanity. And that made me sad and tiresome. I still have a hard time to understand human behaviour and that even includes myself. I often asked myself: “Why do they behave like that? Why so much violence? Why do we give up so easily? Why are we so selfish? Why…why…why?”

One of my wives said to me: “Your soul is tired, because of all the experiences it’s been through as a human. That’s why you ask so many questions about the human behaviour. That’s why you’re sensitive and vulnerable.”

If there is reincarnation, I feel I “payed my dues” to that point that I don’t wanna be a part of that anymore. And maybe that’s one of many reasons my wives choosed me as their husband; my reincarnationperiod is “complete”.

4 thoughts on “Before I met my wives…

  1. I know exactly what you are writing about. I’m the same way.

    I never fit in, and I never wanted to fit in. Not saying you felt the same, but that’s how I was, and continue to be. I saw what people were like and I said to myself “you go your way and I’ll go mine”.

    And like you, I hope my reincarnation period is complete. I don’t want to come back here, if things stay the way they are. Too bad, because we live on a beautiful planet. There is so much (wasted) potential here.

    I’ve been thru all lower 48 states and there is beauty everywhere. Except for anything within 150 miles of new york city, That’s a hellhole.

    • I always asked myself: “What am I doing here?”. I tried a long time to “fit in”, but when trying I just felt like an “alien” in the crowd, watching and trying to understand.

      My wives call that a “soulconflict”, meaning that the soul is trying to reach out to your mind, but you can’t put that special feeling on the tip of your fingers. It’s just there, creating that inner conflict of undesired feeling that “something is wrong”.

      Yeah. The world in it’s own, is beautiful. I’ve seen alot of Sweden and Scandinavia, but the swedes are an introvert population, so hard to bond in friendships. The feeling of lonelyness is surrounding.the Scandinavian individuals. Atleast that’s how I feel about my country.

  2. That’s a very beautiful way of looking at things. I would like to think that same is in store for me as well when I pass on.

    I agree that humanity often represents itself in the worst possible ways. The Holocaust comes to mind among the thousands of other atrocities that have been committed by humans against other humans such as The Crusades and The Spanish Inquisition and so many more.

    I won’t ever attempt to justify these actions for any reason. However, in my experience, seeing these terrible parts of humanity accentuates the good that it can do as well.

    It took armies to commit the atrocities I listed above but consider the effect one good person can have on the world: Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Mother Teresa etc. These people used love to affect change and succeeded in many different ways across disparate parts of the globe to make it at least a little better place to be, one life changed at a time.

    • I don’t believe in the concept of “Hell” as an existing place in the spiritual realm. If there is “Hell”, it manifests on Earth, representing the baddest of human behaviour, and that makes living on Earth a tough trial.

      Yes, there’s also good in humanity, I don’t deny that. And those good individuals has left footprints in inspirations for future generations.

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